so you think you've got your shit together...but, not so much. you pretend you have your shit together which makes you believe you have your shit together. thats more like it. you talk to other people about things and get this sort of friendly reassurance that you've worked hard, you still work hard and you've done better than most..but that confident relief is only momentary. it feels like trying to swim with weights around your ankles. you're in that final stretch. you just want it to be over with. you want to move on, move elsewhere. be alone, start over. i'm almost fucking there. fuck friendly reassurances.
what happens when you stop giving a fuck? is that bad? i think it's pretty fuckin stellar.
no one is ever completely satisfied with anything you do. why are THEY so important?
for the most part, i do what i want and it feels just fine. but when the thoughts catch up, it becomes a downward spiral. so i drink and party and fuck and repeat. i enjoy it. i don't really feel or care. it's perfect for now.
what i really can't wait for is...for it to be over. to really, truly move the fuck on.
for now, i'm a fuck up that just keeps fucking up. fuck yea!
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