easy vs. not easy

It's easy to sit around and do nothing and then talk poorly about someone who is doing something.
It's not easy to give credit where credit is due.
It's easy to sit around and complain but not be willing to do anything to fix your problems.
It's not easy to get up and do something you never thought you'd have to do.

It's not easy to acknowledge when people work hard for what they have.
It's easy to sum it all up to good luck.

Luck is shit.
Work hard. Don't let talent go to waste.

Sponsored, in part, by Electricity.

His eyes dart back and forward, only occasionally stopping at me.

I, on the other hand, can't stop looking at him.

I follow his eyes.

Electricity.

Conversation is better than with others, but I still manage to feel inadequate. Always smart, except now. Always witty, except now. Always funny, but not now.

I can't listen enough. Waiting for my moment to contribute.

Right now, though, I'm a head nodding robot.

Electricity.

He's eating away at his food. Never missing a beat.

I can barely touch my food. I fumble with it. Pulling it apart. Playing with my food. My mother would not be happy.

We speak of law school dreams. For obvious different reasons.

We are worlds apart. Sitting in the same Spanish restaurant across each other, but worlds apart.

Eyes still darting. I try to follow his eyes and end up with nothing.

I make a joke. he acknowledges it, but doesn't smile. Doesn't give me any credit. I give him too much credit.

I look around the room. I want to remember.

Everything.

I find a picture of Jesus. Sacred heart and all.

Point it out. (so clever I am)

"It was really hard for me to realize I don't believe in God," he says.

And i have so much to contribute, but I open my mouth and only manage silence.

He's staring at me. Big brown eyes.The floor is mine.

I ramble about mankind's need for faith. To know that after we die, we're still "something."

No air quotes, though.

Who wants to die and be nothing?

"I'll never be nothing. I'm electricity. I have a soul. Electricity is everywhere."

He's Electric.

Boogey woogey woogey.

Conversation feels so right.

Too right.

I feel it.

Electricity.

And he says, holding the door open, "A pleasure. Like always."

Bullshit.

V day=D day, simple mathematics

I've never been a Valentine's Day fanatic. For starters, I was the girl in high school that never got anything. Yeah, that was me. I hated looking at all the preppy girls with their little flowers and balloons. Wasn't to say I didn't have boyfriends, I think I've just always attracted guys that didn't think I'd value that kind of adoration.
(Or, you know, the kind of boyfriends that would spend their birthdays with their ex-girlfriends, get hickeys and then blame it on the vacuum cleaner. Yeah. Not even joking. But that's a completely different can of worms)
And I didn't. I've never really been into public displays of affection (probably because it interferes with my tough girl persona).
It has become increasingly apparent to me that I don't know much about relationships. I've been in long term relationships, practically married, really, and i still feel like I don't know shit.
HOWEVER, i do know one thing.
I know that in my last relationship I felt loved everyday. There wasn't a schedule of when I should feel loved, when i should get presents, when i should get flowers.
That being said, it is pretty obvious to me that the problem with Valentine's Day is not these cheesy couples trying to impress each other with tennis bracelets and expensive wallets. The problem is, and always has been, me.
I don't know how to deal with affection and I definitely don't know how to deal with love.
I think it's easier for me to pick a fight, to have my guard up and to turn that away because as warm and charming as love is, it's not really in my comfort zone. Sad? yes. Lonely? sure. Should I seek a shrink? More than likely.
Here's my thing.... if you are capable of receiving and giving love (and really, we all are, at least to a certain extent), do it everyday. And don't do it just to significant others, do it to strangers, to your parents and even those crazy bums in downtown that ask you for change and get mad when you don't have any.
Forget the mass hysteria of Valentine's day and show appreciation for the people you care about every day. Life is short. And you're only guaranteed death.

Tyler Durden says that sticking feathers up your butt doesn't make you a chicken.

And he's right.

a continuation of the earth may or may not be shifting.

I'm with Erika, I take a caveman any day of the week.

Clive Owen, call me.

the universe may or may not be shifting.

as of lately it seems that men have become quite sensitive. there seems to be some strange role reversal occurring where women are becoming more insensitive, and men, well, are crying a whole fucking lot about pretty much everything under the sun. i mean, i will listen and sympathize with my close friends, but it still feels very odd to have a dude cry for a really long time. what is even more odd is that i have become increasingly insensitive and i am really enjoying it. if i wanted to even so much as date someone half-seriously i would definitely need a MAN in every sense of the word. i mean sharing your feelings and emotions is fine but sometimes i just wanna tell them to MAN THE FUCK UP. thnx.

p.s. will the men come back to us please.

insomnia.

"For years now, I've wanted to fall asleep. The sort of slipping off, the giving up, the falling part of sleep. Now sleeping is the last thing I want to do."
Fight Club.
Chuck Palahniuk. (my hero)