metro rail guards, watery eyes and beer in a can are all indicators that christmas is here.

Driving to work today I could not get over the fact that every single station was playing Christmas music. Mariah Carey, Boyz II Men (yes, i went there with the roman numerals), some adult contemporary crap.
I hate Christmas music. Hate it. I find it to be the most depressing thing. Even more depressing than a trip through Urban Outfitters when you're dirt broke and didn't bring your shoplifting bag. Kidding, kidding.
Anyways, the song that gets me the most and makes me want to hurl myself into moving traffic is Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.
For starters, I've never been one for taking orders from songs and this pretty much sounds like an order, but even worse than that the music is quite possibly the saddest since Dust in the Wind. Is it just me?
Regardless, when I heard it this morning I had a really painful flashback. And by painful, I am being a tad dramatic, although the situation did make me teary eyed. And I'm not the crying type.
I board the metro on a particularly manic day. I have my sunglasses on my head which must be some kind of proof that God exists, because if there was ever a day I needed sunglasses on my head it was this day.
I'm staring out the window and it is a noisy day on the metro. And I am wishing and hoping and even praying that everyone would just shut up.
Over the chatter, I hear...... "Have yourself a merry little Christmas,Let your heart be light...."
It is loud. I turn to look and see a man, probably homeless, singing. I look forward, I see a metro rail guard staring right at him. Everyone seems oblivious to the man singing except the guard and me. It's like a really weird scene in a movie where the only three people that are really there are me, the guard and the singer.
I have this intense pang of sadness that I can't explain. I want to crawl under the seat.
"From now on, our troubles will be out of sight"
Eyes start to water. I feel embarrassed. Like the girl that got made fun of in school in front of the whole class and started to cry. I can't help it. All of a sudden I feel so alone. Like, scary alone. I remember a co-worker that told me I would die alone. I push my sunglasses down to cover my eyes. This is all a little too intense for me on a metro rail ride.
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas, Make the Yule-tide gay, From now on, our troubles will be miles away"
I want to vomit my insides.
I look at the man through my sunglasses. Notice the lady sitting by him is now smiling at him. He starts to laugh. Tells her that he's been out since 5 in the morning and has been drinking since. Silence.
Finally.
I wipe an escaped tear from my cheek and pray for the world to hit pause.
He goes back to "From now on, our troubles will be miles away".
I think.... Christmas. And I'm alone.
I look at the metro rail guard and he's still got his eyes on the prize.
The man, he says, "Excuse me a second, I'm thirsty."
Opens a can of beer and starts to pour into an apple juice bottle. A small bottle.
The guard gets up and tells him, "You shouldn't have done that."
I slump in my chair and look away.
The man laughs. says he's thirsty.
The guard, he says, "Now you have to go."
Everyone is quiet.
The man is appalled that he is being kicked out. "You're making me leave?"
The guard says, "Yes."
It's a really sad moment. My glasses are fogged up. I feel sad, stupid, alone. And it keeps ringing in my ears. "From now on, our troubles will be out of sight."
I wonder why? Why will our troubles be out of sight? And I realize the cheery optimism of Christmas is driving me nuts. Particularly when it's hiding in the midst of this depressing ass song.
I hate Christmas music.
I hate you Christmas. I really do.
Choke on it.