Very Personal. And Traumatic.

I was attacked by a dragonfly yesterday.
Yes, attacked.
I was about to sit down when I felt something pelt my chest. I looked up very annoyed thinking some little bratty kid had thrown a ball or something at me. I guess that because I am a very positive person (?) it didn't occur to me that it could have easily been a gun shot piercing the right side of my chest.
But, it wasn't a ball, a gun shot or even Cupid's arrow. It was a dragonfly. Yes, a dragonfly. Of small and insignificant stature. He/She was clearly trying to kill me.
Because I won't back down from anyone (especially not a dragonfly) I continued to take my chair. The dragonfly (seriously) leered at me form a couple of feet away. I tried not to be intimidated by this dragonfly because our body ratio was clearly like a million to one. If need be, I would definitely be able to take this dragonfly.
After a couple of minutes, I began to relax. The dragonfly was obviously over it's bout of insanity. I would occasionally glance up from the computer screen to see if the dragonfly was still there.
Yep. That little troublemaker was not moving.
(Before I proceed with this very fascinating story, I'd like to make note that a dragonfly attempt has been made on me before. I was walking through downtown and one clearly aimed at me head. My quick reflexes guided me to move and avoid being beheaded by said dragonfly)
I was about to gather my belongings and be on my merry way when the freaking dragonfly lunged at me, once again. I was able to stay out of it's way, lucky for him/her.
When I told multiple people of this horrifying story, I got two people telling me it was good luck.
Good luck?
I googled this tiny bit of information and found no website that said a dragonfly making an attempt on your life was good luck. However, I did read that dragonflies tend to symbolize good luck and freedom.
Let's hope a bird shits on my head next.

The Life Altering Quotes of the Day

Both from A Series of Unfortunate Events

If you were to take a plastic bag and place it inside a large bowl, you could use the expression 'a mixed bag' to describe what you had in front of you, but you would not be using the expression in the same way I am about to use it now. Although 'a mixed bag' sometimes refers to a plastic bag that has been stirred in a bowl, more often, it is used to describe a situation that has both good parts and bad parts. An afternoon movie theater, for example, would be a mixed bag if your favorite movie were showing, but if you had to eat gravel instead of popcorn. A trip to the zoo would be a very mixed bag if the weather were beautiful, but all the man and woman-eating lions were running around loose. -- Lemony Snicket

&

Of all the ridiculous expressions people use--and people use a great many ridiculous expressions--one of the most ridiculous is "No news is good news." "No news is good news" simply means that if you don't hear from someone, everything is probably fine, and you can see at once why this expression makes such little sense, because everything being fine is only one of many, many reasons why someone may not contact you. Perhaps they are tied up. Maybe they are surrounded by fierce weasels, or perhaps they are wedged tightly between two refrigerators and cannot get themselves out. The expression might as well be changed to "no news is bad news," except that people may not be able to contact you because they have just been crowned king or are competing in a gymnastics tournament. The point is that there is no way to know why someone has not contacted you, until they contact you and explain themselves. For this reason, the sensible expression would be "no news is no news," except that it is so obvious that it is hardly an expression at all. - Lemony Snicket

To Do List...

• Look long and hard to find out if there is any government assistance that would help me pay a full time maid. (please, if you are familiar with this kind of program, let me know)


• Feed the cast of 90210. They must be hungry.


• Find James Franco's home address. I am convinced he would love it if I showed up, unannounced with a bridal party and a priest. True Love forever.

• Complete my revenge mission on whoever caused the demise of my camera. My baby got kidnapped a while back.


• buy toilet paper.


• Daydream about making a movie solely through hologram. (me, Cary Grant and Clark Gable)


• Wonder why I've been spending so much money and have absolutely nothing to show for it.


• Do nothing about it.


• Curse the day Santa Claus was born. Bah, humbug.

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1)

It was 1995, and the first time that Florida had seen snow since the prehistoric ages.

Erika, at the tender age of 12 was being incarcerated for setting fire to a very prominent electronics store (name withheld), in an effort to stand her solid ground on the very powerful anti-electricity stance she had taken in 1993. Patty, at the tender age of 13, was making a living any which way she could. She was recycling her happy meal toys and selling them for black market prices to the elementary school kids who didn't know any better. Times were tough.

As luck would have it these two rascals would meet on a farm, milking a cow. It was a friendship that would last a life time. (or until now, at least, thirteen years)

Patty slowly helped convert Erika's beliefs on the "demon" that was electricity. Erika slowly, but surely, started using electricity again and never wore wrinkled clothes again. Erika taught patty that selling used toys to young children was not right in the Lord's eyes.

The two took on a special project to ensure that everyone in the world would have lemonade if they wanted it. After all, they thought, lemons should be free. They started robbing lemons from grocery sores (names withheld) and started supplying the masses with free lemonade.

This, sadly, would not last long.

In an unfortunate day in 1997, Erika and Patty were caught stealing lemons and sentenced to one night in a juvenile facility. They were charged with petty theft.

Things were looking grim for these two ex-convicts but they managed to pull through and see the light. They are now two fine young ladies who dabble in cursing, sarcasm and southern comfort and/or jack daniels (sorry patty, you know that's my number one roll dog).

This blog celebrates life,death (yes we celebrate death) blasphemy and anything free or offensive or offensively free and vice versa.If you are the "faint of heart" type, my suggestion is as follows;if you come across this blog accidentally and you are a firm believer in the lord, run straight to a church and endulge in a sultry holy water bath.Be weary readers of this blog may or may not go to hell.Actually more likely than not.cheers!